Life is so unfair. Why is it that the most beautiful souls are the ones taken way too soon?
I awoke today to absolutely devastating news. I’m numb. I’m absolutely crushed. My heart is completely broken. So many thoughts have been running through my mind between complete breakdowns of uncontrollable sobbing. I’ve lost the one person closest to me in my entire life next to my father and now I’m down to just one person who truly understands me, will talk to me, and has been there to listen to me for over a decade now.
I don’t even know where to start this, but I know this will be my eulogy to her as I don’t think I will be able to attend her funeral or celebration of life. There will be people there that I just cannot face right now because of all that has happened and the way I have been treated and forsaken for so long. So, I will write my deepest, most heartfelt thoughts and share them with the world so that anyone and everyone who will happen upon these words will know exactly what she meant to me and what an incredibly loving and giving human being she was to everyone whose lives she touched.
Heather and I had a very special bond and connection that most will never understand, nor ever could because I don’t believe anyone else in my life other than my father has ever bothered to get to know and understand me on the level that she did. And for many of the early years, she was just another step-sister with whom I never had a relationship, other than the pleasantries exchanged during the obligatory holiday get-togethers.
But, that all changed at her brother’s wedding in 2006. At the reception, we were both a little drunk and having a deep conversation about growing up and how terribly she and her brother and sister had been treated by my mother. I literally broke down crying; apologizing on my mother’s behalf for this as well as how my mother had literally destroyed the close relationship they once had with their father. From that point forward, she knew me at a completely different level and finally understood the empath in me and just how big my heart really is. She saw and appreciated the real me that very few have ever bothered to understand.
Over the next few years, we would chat from time to time, but it was after 2010 when I had started working on my book that we really connected on a much deeper level. Our conversations became more spiritual, intellectual, and philosophical. She was literally the only one in my life I could talk to about my research and ideas for solving the problems of humanity. There were many conversations I often wished I had recorded because they were so rich with ideas and depth of understanding. She was a great sounding board for my ideas and helped me to work through things in my own mind just be being there to listen to me and give me feedback. We got to know each other on a more personal level as well, as she eventually confided in me about her disastrous marriage and the pain she had been holding inside for years so that the family could remain together.
Before I knew it, we were talking at least once a week, many times for up to 3 or 4 hours. As I would learn new things doing my research, I would share them with her and she was always the only one open-minded enough to let me share my thoughts and who would actually LISTEN to me and my analysis. She was the one who encouraged me to keep moving forward with my work because she knew what I was trying to do and the sacrifices I was making in my own life to do so. She was the biggest cheerleader I had and was always available to lend an ear when I needed to talk and I was the same for her.
Most of our family have no idea as to the level of our connection, but it was and is much deeper than most can imagine or most even bother to attempt because so many are operating at such a shallow level of connection in these days of subjective opinions and superficial image. So much so that her psycho ex husband actually accused her of having an affair with me, even though we lived 1200 miles apart, FFS!! Because he is yet another malignant narcissist who doesn’t understand that people can connect at a purely platonic, intellectual, and spiritual level without romantic feelings. Sadly, some people will never “get” it because they are so controlled by fear and ego.
So, if I can give credit to anyone who was there with me the entire way of my journey to where I am today, it was Heather who was in my corner and had my back the entire way. So, one can imagine how crushing it is to have someone like that snatched away from your life so suddenly and at such a young age. She just celebrated her 48th birthday on March 17th and she looked healthy and happy in the photos and video I just saw 2 days ago. I hadn’t heard back from the last email I sent her a week ago, so I had begun to worry. She had recently told me that her cancer was going to get worse before it got better and I was hoping that her eternal optimism would get her through to remission once again.
She had gotten her initial diagnosis of Stage IV, inoperable metastatic breast cancer in June of 2017. It had spread throughout her body to her liver, spine, and brain and she was basically told to go home and get her affairs in order. She wasn’t that kind of person, however. She and I have talked for hours about health, nutrition, healing and doing things in line with nature and homeostasis. She committed to beating the cancer naturally and within 18 months, she was about 95% cancer free using “alternative,” but very expensive treatments NOT covered by insurance. There was still a small tumor in her breast that was persistent, but the rest of her body was clear. This is where the tragic turn of events begins.
Because she could no longer afford to financially maintain the treatments that had healed her and gotten her that far, she resorted to less expensive methods in an attempt to achieve full remission and eliminate the final tumor. Without getting into too many details, her cancer began to spread after about another year and she was left with the only option of submitting to treatments that insurance would cover. Treatments, I believe to this day, ultimately took her life. And I know there are many who would say, “too soon,” but Heather would understand me completely for speaking out on her behalf and sharing my thoughts with the world. She always had my back an understood my selfless and pure intentions. I know she would encourage me to speak out now in her memory.
As many of you know, I am thoroughly disgusted with not only the “health care” model promoted in this country, but the government that enables it and forcefully suppresses natural healing modalities to a point that the market forces make it unjustifiably expensive for most people to afford. It is beyond criminal what is happening to humanity because of this model and the millions who have succumbed to an early demise due to being stuck in this paradigm against their will or informed consent. Heather and I had many discussions about this and I know she would want me to speak out about this in defense and honor of her life. So, I will do that and much more.
Death by a Million Cuts
There are many theories about cancer, disease and the conditions that cause it to manifest in the body. One that is now becoming undeniable with the study of epigenetics is our emotional state and our thoughts. This is another topic she and I talked about endlessly and we both agreed that her cancer manifested as a direct consequence of her incredibly toxic relationship with her ex husband. And again, most will say that this is not the time to talk about this, but she is now voiceless and it needs to be heard because I know no one else would dare to mention this at this time, or maybe ever. But, it needs to be said and I am fearless to any criticism I may bear because it is the truth. She carried this burden for years and suppressed her fear, anger, pain, and depression to appear strong for her children. But, it grows inside. It acidifies the body and blocks drainage systems that allow the cancer to take hold. Without the understanding, support, and outlets she needed to free herself of this pain, the cancer grew, silently, for years.
Even after she finally found the strength to break free of the marriage, she continued to be mentally tortured by this man, year after year because the children are a constant connection making it impossible to completely cut ties. The psychological abuse continued even AFTER her diagnosis and struggle to fight Stage IV cancer! He never relented in his narcissistic and evil treatment of her – even poisoning their minds with negative thoughts about their own mother!! He fought her tooth and nail for the equity she owned in their house. He was a monster and it took its toll on her health.
She finally had to stop seeing her children for a while because it was too much to bear while she tried to restore her health, but I still think to this day that she was never able to fully let go of the pain he caused her and may have been the source of her ultimate demise. We had so many DEEP conversations over the past decade and I knew her better than a lot of others did. She may have confided things in me that she didn’t with anyone else. I don’t know. But I felt her pain and anguish often and wished I could take it away. I shared many videos about letting go and I know she tried in earnest to do just that. I do know she was very close with her mother and sister, too, who both live in Arizona and my heart goes out to her entire family for this tragic loss as well.
I look back now on the past month and the state of depression I had slipped into myself. I know we are all connected and I wonder now if my spirit knew that she was in her final days. We had a very special connection and looking back, I now feel that my funk was due to my intuition knowing that her days were numbered and that I was losing someone very dear to my heart before it even happened. In a way, I sensed at a spiritual level that she had given up, despite her promises to fight on. I know she WANTED to live for her children, but I don’t think she was ever able to truly resolve the psychological damage she endured for so long in her life and her body just decided to give up for her. And yet, she consistently projected strength to fight on as well as a vision of health, positivity, and love to the world and everyone who knew her despite it all. God, I’m going to miss her… ??
This, however, has given me the resolve and determination to continue on with my fight. I have broken down numerous times already just writing this, but I am infused with a renewed spirit to fight on her behalf and for a better future for her children. The world lost her father way too young nearly 12 years ago now to a similar fate and he was beloved by all who knew him as well. My only consolation today is that they are now somehow reunited, somewhere in some way. So, I fight for them and all the others who have lost their lives prematurely to a system that cares only about numbers and profit – not human lives. I will dedicate the rest of my time on this earth to do all that I can to stop the madness and inversion of reality that has deceived so many and callously taken so many innocent lives before their time.
RIP, Heather. You were an incredibly special and loving human being and you can’t begin to fathom the positive and profound impact you had on my life. I love you forever and I will miss you greatly…
