I wasn’t sure leading up to his eventual passing on whether or not I would cry and feel great loss, or be relieved that he finally chose to move on and leave his earthly body behind. But, as every pet owner knows, the connection we have with these furry family members is oftentimes even more special than that of many humans we know in our lives. I guess it’s the unconditional love that we receive and the connection we know they have with our feelings and the subtle nuances of our moods. They know exactly what we need and when we need it. I ended up crying my eyes out.
Rusty was a very special dog to me. Of the 6 dogs I’ve had in my life so far, Rusty and I had the closest connection. So, this one is particularly difficult. But, he had been struggling, so in a way, it was a relief as well. I told him in his last hour of life how much he meant to me, how much he was loved and that it was OK to let go. His body finally gave up shortly after midnight on Friday, May 21st and he crossed the rainbow bridge to be with his sisters, Sydney, Shelby, and Bobbi
My ex had found him roaming in the high school parking lot by us back in October of 2010, a year after we had moved to Texas. She brought him home so that we could help to find his owners. He seemed to be well taken care of, so we figured he’d only be around for a few days or maybe weeks. When he showed up, I named him, “Clifford,” because to me at the time, he was just a big red dog and had no collar or identification. I wasn’t really sure of his temperament, but he was actually pretty chill for a lost dog. We had him scanned for a chip and posted his picture on numerous lost pet sites. But, we got no response. We learned quickly that he was a runner and if the front door was left open just a crack, he would find his way out and SPRINT down the street! I’m sure that he may have run from his old home and simply got lost and unable to find his way home, or perhaps he was dumped because he had terrible IBS when we found him, but whatever the reason, he became part of our family within a month. (A grain-free diet quickly cleared up his gut problems as well!)
I renamed him Rusty because of his beautiful burnt orange coat and it just fit his personality. He looked like a majestic lion when lying up with his full mane exposed. Before long, I realized that his desire to run was something I could perhaps use to my advantage. One day, I put on my old roller blades I hadn’t used in years, and figured I’d give it a try. He absolutely LOVED it! Within no time, we had our daily routine and the excitement he showed every time he heard the sound of the zip straps on the blades being secured, he’d start jumping up and down with the anticipation of going on his daily run. So excited, that I got numerous blows from either of his front paws to my groin! He didn’t realize what he was doing, however… LOL
As I opened the door, he was prepped to take off like a world-class sprinter in the Olympics. I had a little maneuvering to do with the front porch to get into position to let him take me, but we worked out a system. As soon as I said, “Go!,” he took off like a bullet! He would run in a full out sprint all the way to the end of our street and around the corner. It was like water skiing behind a motorboat, he was so powerful!! I had to figure out a way to make the transition of a right turn onto the intersection safely in case there was traffic coming, but he was a smart dog and learned quickly to hug the corner just as I did. We did have a few close calls over the years, though!
We were inseparable and we made many human friends everywhere we went. But not other dogs, unfortunately. The consummate Alpha dog that he was, and being a German Shepherd/Chow mix, he was aggressive towards ALL other dogs in establishing his dominance, so I always had to have him on a short leash around strange dogs or he would try to mount them. That was the only real drawback, but it was who he was. To me and all of my other animals in the house, he was a complete sweetheart and there were never any problems at home.
In early 2019, he began to drag his right, rear paw when walking. At first I thought he might have just strained it and that it would get better, but it wasn’t healing up at all. I took him to the vet and they told me he was in extremely good shape physically and could probably live for another 6 years or more, but that he had some type of degenerative neuropathic disorder that would slowly take away the use of his legs. I was devastated. This once vibrant and incredibly strong dog was facing the end of his life way before his time. No longer would we ever be able to run like we used to. Within a few months, he had lost use of his right leg and would get around as well he could on his remaining three legs. Once that became difficult for him, I got him a wheelchair for Christmas that year and he was ecstatic! He once again had his old mobility back somewhat and could once again go out exploring with his Daddy. His mood change markedly and you could tell his depression improved greatly!
He took to the wheelchair very quickly and became very agile at getting around with his “new legs.” Then the assault on humanity we all know as the p-l-a-n-d-e-m-i-c hit in March of 2020. I shifted into a completely different mode. My 13 years of deep research had told me that this was “their” next BIG move. I continued with my walks with Rusty while listening to podcasts about numerous opinions concerning how the world had changed so drastically, and so quickly. I was busier than I had ever been writing blogs almost daily and working on building 2 websites. Soon, I let everything else fall by the wayside. I couldn’t go to the gym for 2 months. I couldn’t do much of anything that I used to do on a regular basis. I stopped taking Rusty out for his daily walks and one night while walking him after midnight, I noticed a pack of feral dogs approaching us. We were still far from home and I knew that if we had crossed paths, who knows what would have happened. It probably would have been very ugly, knowing Rusty’s temperament and how we would handle 3 unleashed, wild dogs. We turned around and I called my ex to bring the car. We got home safely, but that was the last night I took him for a walk. His back had been getting weaker and it was more difficult for him to get around any longer, anyway.
I should have kept up with the walks and I will regret not doing so for a while, but I was overwhelmed with work and was putting in 16 hour days putting together my Freedom Project website. I tried rigging his chair to take some stress off of his back, but it only helped slightly. He started getting weaker because he wasn’t exercising and when I tried to put him in the chair after a few months, he wasn’t able to walk in it any longer. I resorted to using a towel to suspend his back hips and he’d walk around on his front paws. We did that for a few months until that got too much for him. I try to remember when exactly he lost the strength to use his front legs because the time has all run together by now. For the last 5 months, at least, I became his legs. I would pick him up with the towel around his back hips and my right arm under his chest. He was a big boy and this was easier said than done! But, I wanted him to know that he meant everything to me.
The thought of euthanasia crossed my mind, but I’ve always been one to let nature take its course. He still could sit up and still had life in his eyes. Everything else still worked. He ate, peed, pooped and enjoyed his favorite part of the day – eating the leftovers of the kitty food that wasn’t eaten by the cats. In his sleep every night for months, in his bed next to mine on the floor, I would hear him still running in his dreams – his legs and paws moving furiously. It would warm my heart knowing that he was still chasing squirrels or maybe even remembering our runs through the neighborhood.
On Tuesday night last week, he drastically cut back on his food. By Wednesday he had mostly quit eating. He’d lick a few bites of cat food, but I knew he was fading. He only took water the last 2 days and I just made sure that he was comfortable. In his last few hours, I hugged him often, cradling his neck and head in my arms, letting him know how much he was loved. I know he felt it. I could tell by the way he looked at me. I still cry now thinking about it. This is another soul with whom I’d shared over 10 ½ years of my life. So much has happened in that time span and he was always a constant. It’s never easy to say goodbye, but he finally decided that his time had come. I do believe we’ll see each other again someday and I’ll know whether or not I made the right decision to let him pass on his own. I don’t regret having every minute that I could with him, but I also don’t know if his final months were lived in pain. They have a very good way of hiding that.
But, what’s done is done and I have to move on. His memory will always be prominent in my heart and my phones will continue to feature his picure on the lock screen as a constant reminder of the love he gave me for so many years. He will be missed greatly.
I decided to write this blog for 2 reasons, though. First, as a memorial for a pet that had a very special impact on my life, but also because of the allegory I constantly applied to humanity in the past year and few months. What I went through with Rusty was very similar to what I was witnessing with humanity over the same time period. As I saw my beloved dog get weaker and weaker, slowly slipping into oblivion, I witnessed humanity and society doing the exact same thing. What we had once been was becoming a figment of a past imagination. A fading memory of our past glory and the freedom we thought we had. As if we as a species had slowly began to lose our legs and become more and more dependent on our masters. It was eerie.
However, with a biological being like an animal or each individual human being, the end is always inevitable. We will all pass on in the end, when our biological bodies can no longer sustain life and our souls pass on to the next dimension, whatever that may be. But, the species will continue on. However, where the species will go and where it has been planned for us to go is still up to us. We can’t stop death, but we can save where humanity will be taken. It is currently on the path to the same oblivion, dying as we have always known it and I don’t see many people too concerned with that happening. But, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Yes, our legs have metaphorically been taken out from underneath us. We have been hobbled by our ignorance, unfounded fear, arrogance and apathy to understand our reality as it has been created by others will malintent. It is a virtual prison, much like Rusty’s body after he had lost the use of his legs. He didn’t have any choice in the matter. It was a physical manifestation neither he, I, nor anyone else could do to change. It was a very long 2 years for me to see his decent into nothingness. I have witnessed, in many ways, my very own species doing the exact same thing. But, knowing FULL WELL that there actually IS everything I, you, and everyone else CAN do to change the outcome of our current situation. If we could only open our eyes and see what is planned and the simple actions we can take to change it all!
As much as I would have done anything and everything I could to have helped Rusty and given him that extra 4-6 years of life, I was helpless. But, I am not helpless in my efforts to do everything I can to change the course of humanity and alter our collective future for the benefit of all.
I have had at least one dog in my life for over 17 years straight now. In the past 3 years I have lost all three of my dogs now and will most likely not be taking in another one for a while. I have work to do and have to dedicate all of my time to that. I don’t know what my purpose is in this life, but I have a feeling I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and that everything has happened for a reason. My cats will continue to keep me company, but the connection is very different with a dog. Pet guardians all over know the difference and know what I’m talking about here. I’m going to be incredibly lonely moving forward, but I am hoping that with my work, all of that will change and I will be able to, in my own way, have a positive effect on the future for all of us, for the planet and for all those with whom we share it. Please don’t let humanity die, too.
As for Rusty, I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know little buddy… 
