There are people in our lives who will inevitably become energy vampires – people you never expected in a million years might be capable; who will refuse to try and understand your point of view and how they hurt you; who will continue to hurt you despite desperate pleas to stop; who you thought had your back only to find out they never really did as their true character begins to reveal itself; who don’t know how to communicate on a level that connects in a meaningful way; who you thought once loved you in a way they never really could because, in hindsight, they have proven theirself incapable. Despite all of your efforts, sometimes failure is the only possible outcome and sometimes compromise is an impossibility when the other party doesn’t understand you at the same level of consciousness.
And sometimes it is impossible to escape these situations because their actions have caused such deep emotional pain and torture so as to cause a paralysis of ambition and any desire to move forward in any direction. Depression can prove to be a massive anchor on one’s life. You become stuck for weeks or months as you dig yourself into a hole. And even when you have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and are beginning to put the pieces back together, they can still be so completely unaware of how their actions can destroy you emotionally that they will attack open wounds without even realizing the pain they might inflict; only to put you back where you thought you’d never go again. They can’t understand your agony and won’t bother to try.
Yes, I realize it is the self that gives the power to others and allows them to cause the pain, but when a situation presents itself that makes it virtually impossible to turn a blind eye, to shut off your emotions, or ignore the infliction of emotional trauma because there is simply nowhere else to go, what is someone supposed to do? Some of us care more than others and find it impossible to turn off the “caring” mechanism. Some of us selflessly feel more deeply than others and some of us know the difference between right and wrong and will sacrifice everything to see justice prevail. They are the empaths of the world. And some just can’t be bothered to care at all, selfishly and obliviously going about their lives as if nothing else matters and as if their actions have zero consequence on others at all.
I know who and what I am. I know my path in life and what I must do. My words paint a picture of my heart, my mind, and my character. I simply want a better world for everyone and everything and that is what I focus on when I should be a little more selfish and think about my own well being. I realize, however, there is no future if what I know is coming isn’t stopped. So, I focus on what I find to be most important right now. I wish I could escape, but I cannot. In many ways, my selflessness has put me in this position. I am emotionally drained right now. I was on a good trajectory and moving in what I know was the right direction and then a bomb was dropped. I need to regroup once again. I need to find peace once again, but I can’t allow this to drag me down. Today was a bad day, but I will find the strength to spring back.
I realize time is of the essence right now and the enemy is at the gates. They are attacking from all sides and will not relent. If they do, they are only doing so to regroup to attack again when our guard is down and we once again feel ‘safe.’ We have been warned of a “worse second wave” by the enemy accompanied with a wickedly sinister grin. Some never put the guard up because they are completely oblivious to the enemy and their method of war. It is psychological and they would never consider their mind could be a target. In their willful ignorance, they don’t know how truly selfish they are, but ultimately, they are hurting everyone by refusing to listen, learn and understand the deep knowledge of those who know and are willing to share the truth.
I feel this on the micro level because of my own personal situation and on the macro level because of the obviously blatant attack on all of humanity. They have attacked our psyche, our economy, our livelihood, our security, and our hope. They have driven us apart even further when we need more than ever to unite. The way I feel attacked in my personal life is very similar to the way the entire world is being attacked. By a force with zero compassion or empathy for anything or the consequences of their actions. They are completely selfish in their aims to turn the world into one they feel is best for themselves and not for the whole of humanity. As much as I hate to admit it, I chose to give years of my life to someone who I see as very much the same as those who want to destroy the world for their own selfish means. That is something difficult with which to reconcile.
My plan is still set and in motion. I have hit a minor bump along the way and have been forced to take an unforeseen detour, but my end goal is still in sight. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest as a way to begin to heal again. Thanks for listening. I love all of you who are in the fight for the humanity’s freedom and future. We will prevail… 
